I have a confession to make. I can tell you, because somehow I know you will understand and not judge me for this. Inside myself somewhere deep, is a fear of not being loved. Yes, I have had it most of my life, and more recently have become aware of this energy playing a hand in my decisions and in my life.
The fear of not being loved may be familiar to you, too. It shows up and plays little games with your mind. This fear seeps into your life in subtle ways; you may not even notice how it impacts you. Some clues are: not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, avoiding phone calls, convincing your mind to make up all sorts of stories to justify your need to play small in life, thinking about yourself, thinking about yourself, thinking about yourself. I notice at times it affects how I parent, how I relate to my husband Troy, how I interact with other immediate family, even how I act around others. I find myself striving for perfection to a fault (which is probably why I have consistently great hair and an impeccably clean house), making everyone crazy in the meantime. I realized the root of my behaviors resides in this one fear; the fear of not being loved. It doesn't even matter how many times I'm told I'm loved, I still can't fully accept it (anyone relate to that?). I have become so aware of this fear operating in my life that now I am finally able to see it for what it is: untrue.
How could I possibly have not seen it before? Where did it come from? How do I release it so it doesn't ruin my relationships? Maybe those answers will come in time, maybe not. Maybe I'll feel all sorts of guilt, sadness and panic as I race to figure out why I feel those feelings. However, as I pause to reflect on this, I am granted a little wisdom that may help you too: BE LOVE. The act of being takes you away from the fear. To do this, I may need to get out of bed, answer the phone, meet up with people I haven't seen in awhile, stop thinking about myself, stop thinking about myself, just stop thinking about myself.
Something as powerful as the act of love is enough to wipe away the fear. It is also enough to help me see where I am holding back the true expression of my spirit. By being love, in every situation, I have completely opened a space to seeing myself through the eyes of others. I have also created the byproduct of loving myself. Now that feels darn good!
Remember these lyrics from the 80's band Huey Lewis and the News (man I love that music).
You don't need money, don't need fame
Don't need no credit card to ride this train
It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes
BUT IT MIGHT JUST SAVE YOUR LIFE
That's the power of love
That's the power of love
See it, feel it, BE it.
Love,
Chanda
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Conversation Mindfulness - Thoughts from Chanda
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and suddenly you become aware that your words and the content of the conversation is filled with negativity? You are in mid sentence, and suddenly it comes into your awareness that what you are saying is in the realm of complaining, whining, moaning, gossiping, or just plain nasty?
Words spoken out loud make a difference. In my reality everything in the universe is energy. Words are no exception. The energy contained in the words you say exit your mouth and go somewhere. They don’t just disappear. According the law of quantum physics,
everything….including thoughts and words, linger around us. Imagine now all those negative thoughts you’ve had lately about another person, or how poorly you spoke about someone in the presence of someone else. Are you really willing to continue that pattern of energy, or would you like to impact a change in the world around you?
I love to talk. As a matter of fact, it is one of my favorite past times. However, lately I have become acutely aware when the conversation starts to take a turn. If I am expressing negative things about myself or about others I notice those I’m with looking tired, depressed, and concerned. Not only that, I feel worse after the conversation than I did in the beginning. The only purpose was to somehow justify my beliefs and emotional reactions to the situation. However, it just created more headaches and unsettled feelings after the conversation ended.
We all have judgments. These are connected to deeply held beliefs that have formulated over time. To think that you can be completely neutral about everything would mean you aren’t awake or responsive to your environment. However, the choice to apply love in those areas that you are irritated by, or which are persistent complaints is the key to shifting your attitude and your surroundings. Those judgments are superficial, untrue and most likely are there as a way for you to hang onto old ways of being that do not serve you or anyone else.
The first step in shifting this is through awareness. Become truly aware of what you are saying in every moment. If you are complaining about the weather, then guess what? You will not feel good, nor will you assist others in feeling good about it. If you are gossiping about someone at work, then most likely that will create a snowball effect which perpetuates more of the same in that work environment.
Make the choice to influence your life and the nature of your relationships through conversation mindfulness. Suddenly you will find others wanting to be around you more often. If you truly are concerned about someone, and need to express it, be responsible. Get in touch with a counselor, or a trusted friend or spouse. However, move past it as quickly as you can by recognizing what you are learning from that person or situation, or how you can impact it for the betterment of everyone involved. If you are on the receiving end of negativity, be compassionate and then be a stand for turning the thoughts and words into something everyone can benefit from rather than dwelling and agreeing. Apply a sense of forgiveness in that situation, determine how best to move forward and then act. That turns the negative into something truly valuable.
Shifting your belief system to love creates healing for you and the world. It’s one truly great way of shifting the consciousness for the entire planet. One kind word cancels out hundreds of negative. This world needs a little love. Let it begin with you.
Words spoken out loud make a difference. In my reality everything in the universe is energy. Words are no exception. The energy contained in the words you say exit your mouth and go somewhere. They don’t just disappear. According the law of quantum physics,
everything….including thoughts and words, linger around us. Imagine now all those negative thoughts you’ve had lately about another person, or how poorly you spoke about someone in the presence of someone else. Are you really willing to continue that pattern of energy, or would you like to impact a change in the world around you?
I love to talk. As a matter of fact, it is one of my favorite past times. However, lately I have become acutely aware when the conversation starts to take a turn. If I am expressing negative things about myself or about others I notice those I’m with looking tired, depressed, and concerned. Not only that, I feel worse after the conversation than I did in the beginning. The only purpose was to somehow justify my beliefs and emotional reactions to the situation. However, it just created more headaches and unsettled feelings after the conversation ended.
We all have judgments. These are connected to deeply held beliefs that have formulated over time. To think that you can be completely neutral about everything would mean you aren’t awake or responsive to your environment. However, the choice to apply love in those areas that you are irritated by, or which are persistent complaints is the key to shifting your attitude and your surroundings. Those judgments are superficial, untrue and most likely are there as a way for you to hang onto old ways of being that do not serve you or anyone else.
The first step in shifting this is through awareness. Become truly aware of what you are saying in every moment. If you are complaining about the weather, then guess what? You will not feel good, nor will you assist others in feeling good about it. If you are gossiping about someone at work, then most likely that will create a snowball effect which perpetuates more of the same in that work environment.
Make the choice to influence your life and the nature of your relationships through conversation mindfulness. Suddenly you will find others wanting to be around you more often. If you truly are concerned about someone, and need to express it, be responsible. Get in touch with a counselor, or a trusted friend or spouse. However, move past it as quickly as you can by recognizing what you are learning from that person or situation, or how you can impact it for the betterment of everyone involved. If you are on the receiving end of negativity, be compassionate and then be a stand for turning the thoughts and words into something everyone can benefit from rather than dwelling and agreeing. Apply a sense of forgiveness in that situation, determine how best to move forward and then act. That turns the negative into something truly valuable.
Shifting your belief system to love creates healing for you and the world. It’s one truly great way of shifting the consciousness for the entire planet. One kind word cancels out hundreds of negative. This world needs a little love. Let it begin with you.
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